Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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