Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Randomize
