don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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