so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
We have started to decorate penises.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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