Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I need moral support for this bender
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
