Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
organizing the empties. That sober.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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