Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
