Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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