i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Text me some of your sweat
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
