i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
All I want is dick and wine.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
