smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
