i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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