I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
