I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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