ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
