I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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