so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
