Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
