so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
