My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
