I heard we made out
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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