You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
