Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Someone came in the potted fern
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
