i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
