Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
