My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
