Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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