dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
