Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
