Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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