i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
The feeling are messing with the penis
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
