I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Randomize
