She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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