In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
