I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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