the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
