Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Randomize
