Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
