There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
