god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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