just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
