yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
