I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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