dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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