Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
