Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
