Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
