Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
