dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
