he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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