my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
