Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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