I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
