im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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