My first STD was from a foam party
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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