You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
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