girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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