I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
