his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
