they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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