So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
